From Beyond, Jean de Florette, & Manon of the Spring

It's the "1986 called and it wants its movies back" film fest post.

From Beyond is pretty much a normal H.P. Lovecraft story adapted by the people who were behind Re-Animator. As such, it suffers from being nowhere near as good as that film. One bonus is that this doesn't have a head giving head. That was very freaky. And also at only 85 minutes long, it felt padded. Which is to be expected, since it's based on a short story. I always enjoy a good Jeffrey Combs performance (and Ted Sorel isn't too bad either (even after he has his head bitten off)), but this one was unfortunately dependent more on Barbara Crampton. Who, while having a nice set of breasts and not being afraid to show them off, isn't all that good. When I first saw Ken Foree, I realized he was the token black guy and was going to die. Luckily for the film and my enjoyment of it, most others died too. But not all of them ended up fighting a big sandworm-type thing in their orange bikini briefs. Really? That's how you're going to take advantage of having Ken Foree in your film?

Jean de Florette and Manon of the Spring tell the story of a hunchback and his farm, which two neighbors basically steal from him by covering up a spring, and his daughter who takes revenge upon them. It's pretty good, although it's basically two parts of a single story, so you have to watch both. Meaning four hours of French, and only two hours do you get to see Emmanuelle Béart. The first two you're stuck with Gérard Depardieu as a hunchback. Not that pretty. And the ending was a kick in the balls.

Caseus Archivelox: Flirting

2001-12-31 - 5:58 p.m.
This afternoon I saw a movie I had really enjoyed the first time I saw it: "Flirting" a 1991 film with Noah Taylor (from both "Almost Famous" (the manager) and "Tomb Raider" (does it matter? I can't remember who any of them are)), Nicole Kidman (better than in that crappy movie that people keep putting on their best of the year lists, even one that says "10) "Moulin Rouge" Somebody needs to get Baz Luhrmann out of the editing room. Somebody needs to tell him that it's insane to set up one visually encrusted shot after another and then not give us time to drink it in. But like his previous film, "William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet," this whacked-out musical annoyed the hell out of me and then stayed in my head for weeks. No other movie this year believes in its own wackiness the way "Moulin Rouge" does, and that gives it the courage of its heart-on-the-sleeve convictions. You could say Luhrmann's gargantuan production design is a way of disguising the simple story at its core, except that it never obscures the charm of Ewan MacGregor and Nicole Kidman, or keeps their tale of doomed love from getting to us. The most disciplined of undisciplined moviemakers, Luhrmann has made something like a speed freak's version of grand opera." I almost agree with it, except where it says that Luhrmann's style never gets in the way of the story), Thandie Newton (one reason why I thought MI:2 could have been good, but was sorely disappointed), and another girl I recognized this time around, Naomi Watts.
The only problem with it was that it was on WE so it was edited. Some sort of jumpy scenes.
Beh.

Caseus Archivelox: Naked States & Virtual Sexuality

2001-12-14 - 12:06 a.m.
I feel sort of guilty about taping over "Body Heat" with "Naked States" though. Ugh, don't watch "Naked States" anyone. It's horrible. You may be attracted by the fact that it's about a guy who goes around taking pictures of nude people, but at 73 minutes long, I felt it was waaaaaaaaay too long. It could have been about five minutes long. And that probably would have been too long. The guy was just not interesting. If people want to see nudity, I recommend "Virtual Sexuality" a British teen-comedy, with lots and lots and lots of male full frontal nudity. So much that they had to put red x's on top of the penii so that it didn't get an NC-17 rating. Not that a lot of flaccid far off (insert penis euphemism that begins with f) should be enough to get an NC-17, but god forbid, people know what the male and female anatomy look like, because there was no sex at all in the movie. Was it a good movie? Not by a long shot, but it was fairly interesting to know that Hollywood isn't the only one marketing tripe to teenagers that just isn't appropriate for them. I like to refer to this movie as "Disney with dicks", as it's just like a Disney movie, with stupid morals and flat characters, but with a ridiculously dirty mind, but I really haven't referred to this movie in any other place, or to any other people, because I seem to have given some people the impression that I'm only about nudity, when I don't even like being nude in my room alone. I just find nudity interesting when included in movies as an attempt to increase the money the movie makes, but in this movie, I include it totally in the "Gratuitous Nudity" hall of fame, not so much because it wasn't needed for the plot, but I can't figure out why the hell the movie was made in the first place.

Caseus Archivelox: Night of the Comet & Return of the Living Dead

2001-12-08 - 11:19 a.m.
Well, anyway, I wanted to say a little about the movies last night, for those of you who haven't seen it, see "Night of the Comet" as soon as possible. Very, very funny movie, with some great 80s stuff and an interesting line about the last guy on earth not coming on to a woman, so he was either a gentleman or gay. "Return of the Living Dead" was strangely unsatisfying, although the midget zombie was still very funny, and I am a big fan of cataloging the most gratuitous nudity in film, and one character just decides to dance totally nude on a grave, and then proceeds to be completely nude (except for legwarmers, as this is the 1980s) for the rest of the movie. Just sort of not worth it.

Caseus Archivelox: The Quick and the Dead

2001-12-02 - 1:54 a.m.
Another thing, don't start to watch a movie at 1:30 in the morning, even if you like the director and have seen it before, because more often than not, you'll hate the star and wish that someone with talent had been cast in that role, so that the movie wouldn't have been so supreme a disappointment. For this one, it was "The Quick and the Dead". I hadn't seen it in a couple years, and I still think that Sharon Stone is a horrible actress. There is probably a link between seeing someone's whisker biscuit and lack of respect for their acting talents. Although I still respect Jenny Agutter, because she at least has picked some great movies to be in ("Walkabout" and "American Werewolf in London"). Maybe that theory just refers to Sharon Stone. Anyway, all the quick zooms and close-ups didn't bother me as much this time. And Leonardo DiCaprio is a good actor, as is Russell Crowe, probably some of the best work that either of them has done, although "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" and "L.A. Confidential" are still their best. And of course Gene Hackman was excellent.

Caseus Archivelox: Peking Opera Blues

2001-11-29 - 3:05 p.m.
Here's a collection of some great misspelled and misused subtitles from Peking Opera Blues, one of the movies from the Martial Arts Series from Freewater. It not only was funny, but it was a good movie as well.
Keep in mind that I was laughing so hard I missed some.
"God, if I ever sing for a living again, I'll no longer be a man." This was a woman.
"Recarinate as a man."
"Tide him up, if he didn't, take it castrate him."
"There's a woman: knock her up."
"They tossing for the general."
"Is you? How come is you?"
"If you think this place is too crowdy, I'm going to blow up."
"Tide up the bed sheet." "Tide it up?" "Yes."
"Don't pretend to be miserious." (mysterious)
"You feel lonely. Sentence them at night."
Also, they used crowdy instead of crowded every time, knock instead of lock, and tide instead of tie. Lot's of things were crowdy, knocked up, and tided.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Cyrano de Bergerac, Protocols of Zion, & Palindromes

Cyrano de Bergerac is a filmed version of the 2007 stage play and stars Kevin Kline as the titular character, Jennifer Garner as Roxane, Chris Sarandon as De Guiche, and Daniel Sunjata as Christian. It's highly enjoyable, due to the always enjoyable Kevin Kline and Chris Sarandon. It took me a while before I recognized him. I'm a big fan of the play, having seen Roxanne many times, along with reading the play back in high school, and seeing Kevin Kline just become him was worth the 2.5 hour long run time. If you have a chance to see it (it was on Great Performances on PBS a couple weeks ago and is on DVD now), I highly recommend it.

Protocols of Zion is a documentary, and I thought it was actually going to be about the history of the Protocols of the Elder of Zion. Which I guess I have to wait for some other movie, or maybe just buy the Will Eisner comic version. This was just a fitfully interesting documentary, rarely insightful, and frequently frustrating in its inability to go anywhere other than the surface. Eh.

Palindromes is Todd Solondz's film. And all that means, for better or worse. Pedophilia, abortion, Christian fundamentalism, shooting abortion doctors, and, above all, utter pretension. Seriously, there's a reason no one else would fund this film. Because it's not good. I liked Welcome to the Dollhouse, and Happiness and Storytelling were at least interesting. This was just bad, with eight different actresses playing the lead, ranging from Jennifer Jason Leigh to thirteen-year-olds to a fat black woman. The thing that pissed me off the most was the Christian fundamentalists were taking in people with birth defects, and they sing terrible Christian music. Just ugh.

Jumper, Wages of Fear, Horrors of Malformed Men, Snake Woman's Curse, & Blind Woman's Curse

Jumper begins promisingly enough, and then Hayden Christensen appears. Is there anyone who would have been good as Anakin Skywalker? Certainly not him, and he's really terrible here, as is basically everyone in the film, even the normally enjoyable Diane Lane, Michael Rooker (both of whom were given nothing to do) and Samuel L. Jackson. The only thing that makes the film enjoyable at all is Jamie Bell, as another jumper who hunts Paladins who hunt jumpers. Apparently, very little of this comes remotely close to the book. So the question becomes, who's responsible for this infanticide? The studio, the director Doug Liman, or the three writers Simon Kinberg, David S. Goyer, and Jim Uhls? Sadly, I think everyone is to blame. The film is only 88 minutes long, suggesting studio meddling in an attempt to make the film remotely sensible. Doug Liman is talented, but there is a messiness to this film that suggests no actual plan to make this film work with such a wooden cast and terrible script. Why, exactly, scriptwriters, did you need to create the Paladins? Why not just keep the NSA as the bad guys? Seriously, this movie is a completely bad idea and sometimes you just need to make fewer crap movies with good ideas that would make someone like me think it could be acceptable. This was not good, Hollywood, not good.

Wages of Fear is the original film that Sorcerer is based on. I saw Sorcerer years ago, and it was a very good and tense film. To describe the plot simply: four guys have to drive a truck of nitroglycerin across Central America. Somehow, it stretches to two and a half hours of extremely tense scenes and greatness. I like films where people just go back and forth in various languages, and this one goes back and forth from French to English a lot, and includes Spanish and German as well. As much as you might expect this film to be ridiculously simplistic, the tension mounts, due to the great direction by Henri-Georges Clouzot, and it's just a masterpiece.

Horrors of Malformed Men is the first in a series of three bizarre Japanese films I watched this weekend. And it's probably the most bizarre film I've seen in a long time. How many films can you think of that are banned in Japan? This is partly due to the title, which references the people disfigured by the atomic bombs (along with using an offensive term in the original Japanese for the malformed men), but also, there are huge sections that are very similar to the grostequeries of Caligula, but it isn't mediocre porn (just many, many topless women sewed to goats or other people). It's actually a combination of short stories by Edogawa Rampo (say it quickly, and remember these are detective stories), but it actually works quite well as a single story. Not sure it's all that good of a movie, but it's really not too much like other ones.

Snake Woman's Curse is supposed to be a ghostly horror movie, but it isn't very scary. It is, however, a condemnation of 16th century Japanese feudal society inequality. Blind Woman's Curse stars Meiko Kaji as a yakuza who accidentally blinds a woman and a cat starts to torment her. There are some weird visuals, and it's somewhat more of a yakuza than ghost movie. Eh to it an Snake Woman's Curse.

Also, I finally made it through my old blog's archives, and I have almost three years of movie reviews to include. I could even include my reviews from my horror class, which are amusing as they're written with the same attention to detail as the blog you're currently reading, but were turned in for grades. How often and how many reviews should I post? Should I just start a new category and call them "Caseus Archivelox" or somesuch, or should I backdate everything? I have around 100 pages of reviews of movies, a few I've already posted, but mainly just half-assed reviews of films I may have forgotten I've seen. I'm leaning towards posting each day as a separate post, tagged with Caseus Archivelox and the date and time of original posting for the blog entries and dates for school papers. But the problem is how many not to overwhelm? If you have any suggestions, comment, and I'll take them in to consideration.

Black Sheep, Mutual Appreciation, & Running on Empty

Black Sheep is very obviously influenced by Bad Taste and Dead Alive. Down to similar shots and gore effects. Of course, it's about as fun, and who can hate on a film that has genetically engineered sheep attacking people and turning them into Sheeple (my preferred term over weresheep, as they aren't really lycanthropes). Who start out by having hair growing out of their wounds, then turning into sheep extremities, and saying things like "baa-a-a-stards". If you liked Dead Alive, it's almost as good, just a lot of insane fun, some terrible acting, and a character named Experience. Of course, for New Zealand, the greater fear is how this would destroy the country due to amount by which sheep outnumber people there. But it's the little touches, like the sheep foot, the "baa-a-a-stards", the sheep phobia: Ovinaphobia, interspecies sex, the scenes of sheep looking very scary by either just standing there or swarming over the hills, and the fact that the special effects were done by Oscar winner Richard Taylor.

Mutual Appreciation is a little too mumblecore-y for me, although I liked the soundtrack (almost if not entirely Bishop Allen tracks). It's pleasant enough, but nothing all too good. I kinda just wanted it to be more of Alan playing shows. Those were the best parts.

Running on Empty just pissed me off. Damn you River Phoenix for dying. He's ridiculously good in this film as the older son of a couple of fugitives who bombed a napalm factory during the Vietnam War. It's not that the other actors aren't good, but River is extremely talented. Also, very attractive. The scene in the woods is amazing acting. And yes, I was a little misty eyed at the ending, even though I knew what was going to happen.

Bender's Game

Bender's Game I saw... well, I must have seen it in early November, as that's when I got it, but I forgot to write it up then, and I just noticed. It definitely doesn't work as well as the first two Futurama movies, even with me being a huge RPG nerd, as I think most of the jokes just felt a little late for a movie released in 2008. Maybe if this had come out in 2002, I would have found them fresher. It's still funny, and any new Futurama is still a treat, but it's a step down.

Nicholas Nickleby, Black Book, The Promise, Running on Karma, A Matter of Loaf and Death, The Wind That Shakes the Barley, & Away from Her

Nicholas Nickleby was actually pretty good. Charlie Hunnam, of the late and lamented by me Undeclared, stars as the titular character, and Jim Broadbent, Christopher Plummer, Jamie Bell, Romola Garai, Tom Courtenay, Anne Hathaway, Juliet Stevenson, Nathan Lane (with Dame Edna as his wife), Alan Cumming, Timothy Spall, Edward Fox, and Kevin McKidd provide able backup. Written and directed by Douglas McGrath, who is also responsible for Emma and Infamous, the less good version of both Emma and the Truman Capote story, he actually manages to make a fine film here, worth watching if you enjoy either social commentary or Dickens (probably both if you enjoy one, really). It's fairly funny, captures the spirit of the Dickens novel without attempting to fit everything into it, and just a very fine way to spend over two hours.

Black Book is a Paul Verhoeven film, so it's full of sex and violence. I enjoyed it thoroughly. It goes to show that Carice van Houten actually can act (and Hollywood had no idea what to do with her, probably because she bleached her pubes on screen here), and the others who are ok in Valkyrie are quite good here. Verhoeven gets slammed unfairly for making Showgirls and Hollow Man (neither of which are good movies per se), but he is also responsible for Robocop, Total Recall, Starship Troopers, and The Fourth Man, all great to amazing films. He is someone who makes watchable films, as long as he isn't censored horribly. I need to make an effort to see some more of his earlier Dutch films. Spetters was kind of hard for me to watch, as I was never able to find a particularly good quality subtitled (or dubbed) version when I looked a few years ago. It's out on DVD here, though, so I'm going to put it in my Netflix queue, along with Soldier of Orange.

The Promise was crap. Sorry, Chen Kaige, but terrible CGI and Cecilia Cheung are not enough to make me sit through crap. The script was a mess, and I didn't even realize that the DVD had a skip in it that made me rewatch four minutes until it skipped for the second time. Avoid like the plague this movie is on Chen Kaige's career.

Running on Karma has Andy Lau in a very fake muscle suit, and starts the movie as a male stripper, who used to be a monk and can see the future and past of people and can talk to animals. He befriends the cop (Cecilia Cheung) who was involved in a sting over his fully nude strip show and helps her solve crimes, including one of a dude who can contort himself in very small places. It is utterly ridiculous. It's co-directed by Johnny To, who's very talented, so it actually is a strange thriller, but with some very, very silly things in it to accept. And then it takes a very, very weird turn in the third act. Karma is a very important part of the film. This ending would never fly in a non-Buddhist country.

A Matter of Loaf and Death is the new Wallace and Gromit short. I am a huge fan of Aardman Animation, and while this isn't as strong as The Wrong Trousers, A Close Shave, or The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, it's up there with Chicken Run and A Grand Day Out. I think I missed cheese. But the animation is as strong as ever, it just didn't quite do it for me as much as their best, although it was full of funny references and terrible dog puns. Still definitely worth watching whenever it actually airs in the US.

The Wind That Shakes the Barley is a Ken Loach film about the origins of Ireland, and the fighting between those who founded the IRA and those who took the Irish Free State way out. As such, it actually is a companion piece with Neil Jordan's Michael Collins, which I saw back in 1996 at a pre-release screening in Cincinnati for an Irish group my grandfather was a member of. Anyway, the film was frustrating, because neither the ubernationalists or the more conciliatory Free-staters were really wrong, so seeing the ending just made me pissed all over again at Eamon De Valera. Damn you. Of course, the parallels between the IRA and terrorist organizations and guerrillas of today is used by Loach very effectively to point out that the British never had a chance in Ireland, and the only surprising thing is that it took so long for them to give up. It's a very good looking film, and for those interested in Irish history, definitely worth it.

Away from Her was directed by Sarah Polley, from an Alice Munro story, and is about a couple, deeply in love, and the wife gets Alzheimer's. Depressing as hell, but beautifully shot, and great acting all around. If you can handle two hours of sadness, I can't think of a better film about Alzheimer's out there. Infinitely better than The Notebook (which I tried to watch once, but man, it was just ugh).

Valkyrie

Balls, I did it again. I forgot to list a movie I saw. Although this time it fits in perfectly with how I felt about it: Valkyrie was utterly unnecessary. For a better idea of it, and much more in depth and well-written and the like, go read the friend I saw it with's review here. There are very, very few bits of it that I don't agree with entirely. I liked The Usual Suspects?

Encounters at the End of the World, You're Gonna Miss Me, Everything's Gone Green, Starter for 10, Dynamite Warrior, Bad Guy, & Cryptonomicon

Encounters at the End of the World is a Werner Herzog documentary (which I saw some time ago, but forgot to review) about how crazy everyone who spends time on Antarctica is. So it's basically a typical Herzog documentary: fascinating. I think that this one may have ventured a little far into sneering contempt for his subjects, as a number of times, he just starts to talk over them. A little disrespectful, especially when he says that they tend to ramble on. Of course, those bits of Herzog being an ass is to be completely expected. It's the parts where he just allows the awesomeness of Antarctica to show, like following the penguins or the below ice scuba diving. Those more than make up for that, and this is a great piece of filmmaking, certainly worthy of consideration as one of the best documentaries this year.

You're Gonna Miss Me is about Roky Erickson, lead singer of the 13th Floor Elevators, the creators of Psychadelic Rock, and, as far as I know, the only band with an electric jug. He was also a huge drug user, and, as an example against those damn hippies, was arrested for possessing a tiny bit of marijuana. His lawyer had him plead insanity, and then he went into a horrible maximum security hospital where everyone else there was a murderer or a rapist, and stayed there for a few years. After finally being declared "sane", he still made some good music through the 70s and early 80s, until his mental problems (that were present well before he became famous) started to make him utterly insane. Clearly a case for serious medical help, his mother (who is crazy and was also traumatized by Roky's drug use and doesn't trust drugs, doctors, or her husband (who may have sexually abused Roky and his four brothers...)) refuses to get him the help he clearly needs. Finally, Roky's youngest brother fights for custody of Roky, and cleans him up and within a year, he's a somewhat functioning member of society. There are some bonus features on the disc that further flesh out the post-movie story: Roky played Austin City Limits in 2005 (and was introduced by that asshole Kinky Friedman), and in 2007 was declared sane enough to be released from custodial care. Of course, his youngest brother has gone slightly crazy, and now denies that there's anything mentally wrong with someone who's declared "schizophrenic" and that drugs don't help. He and his friend, a crazy "doctor" John Breeding, have a bit where they rant about how psychiatry is bull and that mental illness doesn't exist. It was a little hard to follow their "logic", as they were utterly insane. The film, beyond the interest of the story, was full of some pretty good music, although I just wanted the filmmakers to force Roky to clip his nails. Some of them were creepy long. Anyway, I'm very happy that Roky's healthy again, even with all the barriers he had to have others break through.

Everything's Gone Green is a Douglas Coupland script, who is someone I've heard much about, but never actually read any of his writing. This is a slightly smug look at a group of Vancouverites who are all trying to find their place in society, one works as a photographer and writer for the BC lottery interviewing those who've just won the lottery, his best friend is a pot grower, another works as a golf course designer, and another works as a location scout for films. It's kind of hokey, there's nothing particularly brilliant about it, it's a hugely critical of capitalism, and about the only thing I found noteworthy was it's cultural criticism of filming in Vancouver and trying to pass it off as Phoenix or California or some other place it obviously isn't. I mean, the film isn't bad, and it's watchable, but it's just nothing particularly amazing.

Starter for 10 is set in England in 1985, and is about a guy who goes off to college, knowing a crazy amount of useless trivia and wants nothing more than to join the University Challenge team. And his love triangle between the hot blonde on the team and the Jewish student he met the first day at Bristol University. I identified with Brian (played by James McAvoy with an appropriate mix of awkwardness and comfort), and thought the movie was an enjoyable film, that didn't have much to say about much. Apparently, the novel it was based on is much more about class and the non-big three characters are far more fleshed out, which probably would have helped the film a bit. But the best thing about the film was the soundtrack. A great collection of 80s rock, from many songs from The Cure to Echo & the Bunnymen, New Order, Yaz, The Undertones, The Psychedelic Furs, Tears for Fears, and the Smiths to The Buzzcocks and Motörhead. Just a great soundtrack.

Dynamite Warrior is a Thai film that has the martial arts choreographer from Ong-Bak. That has to be why I added it my Netflix queue, right? It's cheesy and over the top (the hero rides into battle riding rockets and, oh yeah, it's set in the 1850s). And the final battle ends with the hero punching the bad guy, who's on fire and being pulled up a rope, in the stomach, knocking him into a tractor, which then explodes. That gives you some idea of how subtle the film is. Sigh.

Bad Guy is a Kim Ki-Duk film, and it's very depressing. Would she really just accept being turned into a prostitute and then fall in love with the guy who forced her into selling her body? Also, there are streets in South Korea where prostitutes just line up and brow beat men into paying for sex? Doesn't this go against everything I know about this culture? Where an actress was just convicted of adultery (seriously, backwards ass country alert), you're telling me prostitutes can just be really obvious on the streets? I never understood why they can do something so obviously illegal in public and not get caught. Not that I think this should be illegal, but my feelings on prostitution and marijuana are basically: legalize it and tax heavily. Because there's a lot of money to be made, plus, neither of them is particularly dangerous unless you keep them illegal.

Cryptonomicon is a Neal Stephenson novel about codes and codebreaking. It's set in both World War II and the present day (as of the late 90s when it was written). Being a huge math and computer nerd, unfortunately unskilled in complicated math and computers, I found it really up my alley. My huge amounts of knowledge of World War II (seriously, I read so many books way back when) still mean that I have a soft spot for that section, and so both sections were very interesting. Plus, the pot shot taken at Reagan was fun. I very much loved the book, and it almost makes me want to read the Baroque Cycle, but I think I'm going to stick with borrowing Snow Crash. If you have my relatively weird combination of interests, Cryptonomicon will be absolutely perfect, but I can definitely see how some wouldn't enjoy it. For some reason, my dad read the review in the Times and bought it many years ago, and still hasn't gotten around to reading it, but I borrowed and read it.