Onibaba, Tom Yum Goong, Postal, & Girl Boss Guerilla

Onibaba is a pretty good Japanese ghost story, with a pretty freaky bit of makeup near the end. I was also surprised by just how much nudity was in the film. As it's a Japanese film, no full-frontal, but the two female characters spend a good portion of the film with one or both breasts exposed. Surprising for a film made in 1964. Beyond that, though, it's a moral tale of a mother and daughter whose husband doesn't return from a war and so they start killing lost samurai and selling their armor to survive. Then a man comes into their lives, and they start to fight over him. It all ends tragically, with the help of a demon mask that's pretty freaky.

Tom Yum Goong is a Tony Jaa movie. To know what that means picture this: a young Jackie Chan with less charisma but with more elbows to the head and knees to the stomach. He does all of his own stunts, and the film is all the more impressive for that. Especially the four-minute or so long tracking shot of him going up the stairs at a secret restaurant in Sydney that cooks up endangered species is one of the most impressive fight scenes filmed. It's just one take of him throwing people through walls, off balconies, down stairs, and dodging flying vases. Of course, the plot is basically: tranny stole Tony's elephants and killed his dad and so Tony has to fight through hundreds of people to get them back. Yes, I did say tranny. I'd object, except for the fact that basically every white person is evil, as in most Asian films. I'd object about that, except that we are kinda evil. The ending fight scene where Tony discovers the fate of his elephants and then breaks the bones of about fifty dudes in black just went on too long, as did the Tony loves his elephants section near the beginning. I did see the original international cut rather than the bastardized version (as the Protector) unleashed upon these shores by the Weinsteins, and I dislike them for that, but they did put it out on DVD, so I got to see it at least. Not as good as Ong Bak, but it has much less unnecessary repeating of awesome stunts (in that it had none). Here's my comments on Ong-Bak when I saw it in April of 2004 from the last blog: "Ong-Bak. I don't know what else to say except that if they just played every stunt once, then the movie would have been at least five minutes shorter. I get it that the stunts are amazing, but still, just play them once. Is the movie amazing otherwise? Hell yes. The movie's plot was eh, but the stunts. One "holy s---" moment after another. I'm amazed that the star didn't die. Just an incredible movie. I am just utterly amazed by those fight scenes. We're talking about the stunts and fights from two mid-level Jackie Chan films. In one film. Probably better stunts than any Jackie Chan film, although those are occasionally more death-defying, this one just had more. This movie needs to be seen to be believed. Wow! There was a little CGI, but strangely most that I noticed was just a smoke. And the three-wheeled vehicle chase? I think it was just an excuse to throw them off of highway bridges. Still, so much neat stuff." Yes, I censored myself with dashes back then. Rather than avoiding it unless I'm pissed or the film forces it. And Tom Yum Goong includes a nod to Jackie Chan with a cameo from a Chan double when Tony Jaa first arrives in Australia.

Postal is stupid. It just goes down a list of groups to offend and proceeds to offend them in the most immature way possible. Things I never wanted to see in a film but now have: THIS ENTIRE FUCKING FILM. Uwe Boll is a cinematic cancer and deserves to have his fate in this film in real life. Yes, he wrote himself into the film as the owner of theme park Little Germany (that took over Little Holland, ooh clever), and spouts stupid commentary about how important this film is and then tells bad Holocaust jokes. And then gets shot in the crotch. That's the level of this film. It has Dave Foley fully nude and then taking a very smelly dump while smoking a joint. Argh... I want to catalogue just how terrible this film is, but the more time I spend thinking about it the more I want to punch Uwe Boll in the balls. Repeatedly.

Girl Boss Guerilla is the first film in a Pinky Violence collection I received. Pinky films are basically Japanese sexploitation films, and this one was actually directed by the guy who directed School of the Holy Beast. As in that film, there's pissing jokes (one after four yakuza get the clap from one of the girl gang who has sex with a priest who has the clap, and the other when one of the gang gets pissed on trying to grab a filled condom after a nun had sex with a monk to blackmail him), gratuitous nudity, bondage, girl fighting, terrible slapstick, and just enough actual goodness to make the bad parts almost watchable. Occasional scenes are filled with tension and awesomeness (the finale on the road, and occasional shots like the introduction of Nami). But the violence against women is almost constant and the humor is crappy. Ultimately, the bad outweighs the good. The film follows two other films in the series, but I don't think it mattered much. I'm also not sure what the Guerilla really means in the context of the film.

Gone in 60 Seconds, The Lives of Others, Prince of the City, & The Lost Boys: The Tribe

Gone in 60 Seconds is not the Angelina Jolie-Nicholas Cage film. This is the original, the one referenced in Deathproof. The acting is amateurish at best, as most of the cast had little to no experience, it's all about the ridiculousness of the plot: stealing 48 cars in two days. It's stupid, it's kinda crap, and it's far too long. But it does have a 40 minute car chase scene at the end. Of an hour and forty minute long film. Basically, you can skip the first hour and still know everything that has happened beforehand by reading this sentence: Insurance worker has to steal 48 cars in two days and steals 47 with little hassle but the last one is a problem and so he has to escape from the vast majority of the Carson City police department. The car chase was clearly a labor of love, as the writer/director/star/every car in the film owner/producer also stunt drove many of the cars in the film, and it's occasionally impressive, but ultimately, it's just an excuse for the car chase. If you like them, then the movie is worth watching, if not, avoid like the plague on bad dialogue and performances the film is.

The Lives of Others beat out Pan's Labyrinth for the Best Foreign Film Oscar. I kinda preferred Pan's Labyrinth. This is a great film, touching, with a realistic ending that makes sense within the film. But I also had a problem with a couple of the slightly-anti-woman aspects of it, and the fact that it felt like it could have been set in any particular totalitarian state near the end of its run. Those are just minor problems in an excellent with an otherwise extremely strong pair of performances by the policeman and the playwright. It just felt kinda dreary and like it'd been done before, while Pan's Labyrinth was full of inventive scenes and didn't immediately feel like anything I'd seen before (even as it brought to mind Alice in Wonderland and Labyrinth).

Deliver Us from Evil is another depressing film, this one about a Catholic priest who goes through a few parishes in California in the 70s and 80s sexually abusing girls and how the Church covered it up by sending him to another parish rather than, you know, actually doing anything about the fact that this priest was raping kids. This is a main reason why I don't trust organized religion: it puts humans into positions where they "talk to God" and therefore have people trust them far more than if they were just a normal person. Plus, the whole "Priests have to remain celibate" just leads to them repressing a normal sex drive and becoming sick and twisted. Sure, some, maybe even most, priests are not pedophiles, but some of them are complicit in the coverups, including the current Pope. It's disgusting what religions are able to get away with in the name of "God". The world would be better off without organized religion. Watching these families still struggle with the abuse thirty years later was heartbreaking.

Prince of the City is a long film dependent upon a performance from Treat Williams. As such, he's actually the weakest thing in this otherwise sprawling epic of cleaning up police corruption in New York City. Especially towards the end of the film, it starts to drag and it's mainly due to Treat being not nearly as good then as earlier. I won't complain about the strong supporting turns by Jerry Orbach and Bob Balaban among many others, but at least some of the blame for Williams's dragging performance is at the feat of Sidney Lumet. The film is too long at almost 3 hours long, and all the supporting characters are hustled in and out fairly quickly, many making their mark, but also requiring a huge amount of knowledge of which characters are which and their relationships, some of which gets confused. It may not have a powerhouse performance from Al Pacino like Serpico, but this feels much more realistic. It's a shame that it gets away from Lumet towards the end.

The Lost Boys: The Tribe is terrible. And cheesy. And Corey Feldman and Corey Haim aren't enough. Eesh. Oh, and if you are watching it for Two Corey action, don't bother, he's only in a scene at the very end, and in some alternate endings included on the DVD. He's not a starring role Netflix suggests. The main characters barely register, and the stunt casting of Angus Sutherland to replace Kiefer was offensive. Angus is terrible. It's just not worth the attempted nostalgia trip. Watch The Lost Boys again, or Near Dark (a better 80s vampire film, even if it doesn't scream 80s as much).

Live Free or Die Hard, The Red Shoes, Dumplings, The Good German, The Middleman (again), & Scott Pilgrim

Live Free or Die Hard is the fourth (and I hope last) Die Hard film. The first one is one of the best action films of all time, and I like the second one. The third one, however, was utter crap. The first two were at least somewhat based in a slightly heightened reality, and the third one just tossed that out of the window. And this one was even worse. Maybe it has to do with living in DC and having been to Baltimore quite a few times, but every building I recognized (besides the obvious ones like Capitol building and other monuments) was in Baltimore during the big chase scene in DC. And that's also ignoring the final chase scene that's supposed to be set just north of Baltimore on 695, and the highways are clearly Southern California, with palm trees and overlapping highway overpasses that basically are a California thing and are nothing like highways in Maryland. Also, the movie is also ridiculous when it comes to plot. And wastes Maggie Q, who is only there to look attractive. I also had a serious problem with "Can I get another dead Asian hooker bitch over here right away?" which I know was just trying to get on Timothy Olyphant's bad side. But that racial stereotype grated on me. Actually, just about everyone in the film besides Bruce Willis and Justin Long were wasted. Those two clearly have no more talent than what was shown in the film. Basically, the film was terrible and stupid.

The Red Shoes is not the Powell-Pressburger film, it's a recent K-Horror film, clearly still based on the Hans Christian Andersen story, but with a Korean twist. I objected to the shoes clearly being pink. And to the complete ripoff of Fight Club. Kinda creepy, but the stereotypical Asian horror touches (ghosts with long hair and walking strangely) just aren't nearly as interesting the hundredth time.

Dumplings is the extended version of the Fruit Chan part of Three... Extremes. The plot is slightly different, missing the freakiest scene from the short, but adding more character parts and being slightly more interesting. Still quite good looking and freaky, and I should try to see some Fruit Chan films to see if it's a one-off, but the ones I've read are good aren't really available on Netflix. I don't understand why it makes me want dumplings. But I want dumplings.

The Good German is Soderbergh being ridiculous. He basically just said: Casablanca and The Third Man are awesome films, and what made them amazing was the studio system that made the films. Not the talent or the writing. So he apes those two films constantly, never coming close to that quality.

Venus has a good performance from Peter O'Toole and Jodie Whittaker, but ultimately feels like a small character piece rather than saying anything important about anything.

The Middleman: The Collected Series Indispensability is the complete Middleman comic. The first TPB is basically the first episode of the show, the second TPB is the third episode, and bits and pieces of the third TPB were used throughout the rest of the show, from Manservant Neville to the Honey Ryder bikini joke. I actually don't like the ending of the comic at all, and prefer the tv show's version of the Middleman, although that may be due to that being my introduction to the universe. But I certainly recommend it to everyone. Also, I got the Scott Pilgrim odds and ends collection, with all the main comics being familiar to me due to most of them being online, but I cannot recommend Scott Pilgrim enough (and I apparently haven't raved about it yet on the blog?).

Hands on a Hard Body & The Middleman

Hands on a Hard Body is a documentary about a contest in Texas (although it seems like it's not just a contest in Longview, but in other areas around the country, but that wasn't entirely made clear) where 24 people stand with at least one hand on a Nissan pickup for as long as possible until the last one standing wins the truck. As you'd expect, it's full of stereotypes, but since they're actually people, and the entire 97 minute running time is spent either during the actual contest or interviews with the contestants, you get behind the stereotypes. Unless they are just stereotypes, like the husband and wife who are missing wide swathes of teeth, but the husband is proud of his 20 ton air conditioner that can cool his living room to -12 degrees. Because who doesn't need that? I have to say that I had a tiny bit of schadenfreude with the overly religious woman who had a big prayer chain for her. Eventually, the person I hated the least won, so that made the movie better, but it's 97 minutes of a fascinating look at desperate people in Texas who want to spend three days standing next to a truck. It was directed by S.R. Bindler, who is apparently good friends with Matthew McConaughey, who is thanked in the credits along with Benicio Del Toro (and, ummm, Arnold Vosloo, who was in The Mummy). Unfortunately, due to it not being available on DVD or VHS, it's basically only available online, and it was posted to Google Video last week. I watched it on Sunday, and it's apparently been taken down since then. So, I'm not sure how best to watch this awesome film.

Also, this week was (I hope not) the last episode of The Middleman. If you have not watched this show, I hate you a little. If you like comic books and/or snarky pop-culture referencing attractive 20-somethings, I may hate you a little bit more. And if this is the last episode ever, I might even revise that hatred upwards. I should be getting "The Collected Series Indispensability" tomorrow.

Catching up more with books and comics and museum exhibits

The Killing Joke is Alan Moore's The Joker origin story, along with an excuse to see Commissioner Gordon and his (newly paralyzed) daughter naked. As such, it fits in just perfectly with Moore's other work. I have to say that I thought it was interesting, although I can't say that I like the shortness. I feel like it could have been longer. I do wonder what the midgets were named though.

In an attempt to catch up on things, here's some brief reviews of random books I've read over last nine or so months: The Right Stuff (noted here, and a reminder that Tom Wolfe is a good writer, once you get past the "New Journalism"-y writing style), Rashomon and Seventeen Other Stories (first noted by me here, and quite an interesting collection of Ryunosuke Akutagawa's stories, most of which I enjoyed, although the auto-biographical ones were depressing), Memoirs of a Geisha (told you I was going to read it, and it was considerably better than the movie), Stan Sakai's Usagi Yojimbo (noted twice in last week's vampire-puppet filled Middleman, but purchased by me earlier in the year based on a recommendation from some website I can't remember (io9? Bryan Lee O'Malley?) and is basically a rabbit ronin wandering feudal Japan, so of course I was going to love it, but I have 20 something volumes to purchase in order to read it all), Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns (read almost immediately after watching The Dark Knight, but I forgot to mention it in that review, but it's actually kind of good), The Mysteries of Pittsburgh (quite a gay little book, but it's going to be a movie, and I was interested, although it's not nearly as good as Michael Chabon's later works), A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man (probably the last Joyce I'll read as I doubt I could make it through Ulysses or Finnegan's Wake, but it and The Dubliners are excellent) and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Black Dossier (a pornographic Alan Moore comic, with a 3-d section that gave me a slight headache, but I loved the extension of the mythology and the pitch-perfect satires of literary genres). Also, I watched the new DVDs of Spaced, one of the best things that's ever come out of England. It's pretty much: Monty Python, Alec Guinness, and Spaced. And I guess HP Sauce and the idea that vinegar is good on chips.

I went back to the Freer & Sackler galleries August 24th, which was quite fun, as it's one of my favorite museums, if only for the Peacock Room, which is the kind of room I want to have in my mansion. But the Sackler galleries had an exhibit on landscapes of the Yellow Mountains, which was gorgeous. A little small of an exhibit, but the artwork was uniformly nice. I have to say that I love landscapes, which is kind of middlebrow, but eh, de gustibus non est disputandum. Unfortunately for all of you, it closed on that day. After that exhibit, I saw muppets. Yes, there's an exhibit about Jim Henson at the Smithsonian. You have until October 5. I cannot recommend it highly enough. It's under the garden between the Sackler and the African Art Museum (which I've now been in, but still haven't seen any exhibits, not because I don't like black people, but because I haven't yet found anyone who wants to go with me). Time Piece, his Oscar-nominated short film, is included in its entirety (and it was a bizarre and funny movie), along with many of his 8 second adverts for things that are awesome in their bizarreness. And, of course, there's a Bert and Ernie, a Rowlf, a Kermit, assorted other characters, a couple fraggles (which made me extremely happy and I came very close to singing the theme song when it was shown during a documentary on Henson), and some very, very cool Dark Crystal artwork and props. Basically, if you are my age, you will love the exhibit. If you are younger, you will love it.

Häxan, Babel, & Shortbus

Häxan is a semi-documentary about the history of witchcraft. It's also a silent film. I also fell asleep at a couple points. I blame the Five Guys burger and fries eaten just before beginning it. Also the comfortable couch and the slightly warm room. I do, however, recommend it if you're up for it, as it's interesting, although it can definitely be watched at fast speed to get the same amount out of it faster. Not that I watched it at fast speed, which may also have contributed to my falling asleep. It's also a bit preachy, but the opening bits about the history of witchcraft and the misconceptions of early societies were quite nice, if the recreations of the witch trial wasn't nearly as interesting.

Babel is 143 minutes. And I didn't care about any of the people in it. I liked most of the actors I knew, and it was good to see Kôji Yakusho get some work noticed by the American public. He's been in some great films. And I imagine that Rinko Kikuchi goes on the list with the other GAWLIS's. Yes, new tag! Fun! Babel: Not Fun! I guess I could write more if I thought that Rinko's nudity was remotely needed. Well, maybe the ending stuff, but why, exactly, did we need to see her labia? Completely gratuitous. Amores Perros was amazing, and 21 Grams was pretty good as well, but this was just bloated.

Shortbus. I'm not sure how to discuss the film and, honestly, am not sure what to think about it. I mean, there's the porn aspect of it (and I use porn as in it has stuff that's normally only in porn, not that it is a porn film), but it's got an interesting plot, and I liked it, but I felt kind of dirty for doing so. I don't want to condemn it for not being better, but it's eminently watchable. I think that I'm one of the people who is supposed to be shocked by the film, but they forget my long history of nunsploitation and that I've seen Ken Park. Admittedly, this is the first time I've seen autofellatio. Didn't look too comfortable. I never even thought about the possibility of it being done like that. See, I just can't get away from the explicit sex and discuss the film as a story. A story about finding your place in life, basically, similar to Hedwig, but without the kick-ass soundtrack. Just an ass-soundtrack. Woo! Man, if you haven't seen the film, you wouldn't understand the pun. I want John Cameron Mitchell to continue to make movies. He's an interesting voice. Does Sook-Yin Lee get added to the GAWLIS list? Yeah, I'd say probably. It's not Great, it's just Good.

The Painted Veil, House of Fury, Vampire Effect, & Gen-X Cops

The Painted Veil is racist. Yeah, I'll come right out and say it. The white man has to come out into the boonies to save the savages (in this case the yellow people) from themselves. But that's not all: the only people noted in the opening credits are white. Even Diana Rigg (who is, admittedly, somewhat famous in the west), who has a tiny role, is mentioned in the opening credits, while Anthony Wong (the first in my little Anthony Wong mini-fest) isn't mentioned, even though he has many scenes, and is actually the third best thing in the film behind the scenery (stunningly gorgeous) and that Toby Jones is having sex with some hot Asian. Which is just funny, since he's basically known for playing Truman Capote. Actually Toby Jones in general is quite good, and I liked him in this. But the love triangle in the center of the film is just overwrought to an extreme, and once you have characters going into an epidemic of some kind, at least one of them has to die. It's just a rule of epidemic films.

House of Fury is stupid. But fun. It stars Gillian Chung (she of the Edison Chen Sex Scandal, and apparently a small role in W. as an escort dancer???) as the daughter of a government agent who has to protect former spies who then has to save her father's life from the American assassin who was crippled by a former spy. Sure, there's other parts to it, like some ridiculous martial arts sequences including a dining room table (of which there were at least three different ones throughout the movie), a remote control, and, for some damn reason, absolutely no dolphins. Why the hell was the brother a dolphin trainer? That doesn't come into use at any point later in the film. Have these people never heard of Chekhov's Gun? The movie did have Charlene Choi in a glorified cameo with some of the only humor in the film, if you consider "Do you want to French kiss?" and then saying, "Time's up" before the guy has a chance to reply. So there was your bit of Twins for the film. Pretty much the only things worth watching were the martial arts sequences. Because the movie was a mess. But on blu-ray. So go Hong Kong, I guess. Maybe put out some better films on it.

Vampire Effect is a Hong Kong vampire film, but not with hopping vampires, but more traditional ones. The version released in the US cut out 19 minutes. Apparently, those scenes make the film make more sense. I would hope so, because it would be hard to make a film that made less sense. This had a good cast, and Donnie Yen is a talented guy, but Edison Chen is kind of a dick, and The Twins were mediocre in this, with about the only bright spots being Anthony Wong (who still is the best thing in any film he's in), and the Special Guest Appearance by Jackie Chan and the Special Friendly Appearance by Karen Mok. But the fight scenes were too wire-based and frequently nonsensical, especially the final one, and the internal consistency was lacking immensely.

Gen-X Cops is another Jackie Chan produced film, this time with him as a fisherman. I have a serious problem with the anti-gay humor in a lot of Hong Kong films. It's like gay people are completely acceptable to make fun of. Well, it bothers me immensely. Also, the HIV joke clearly played into that. The frequent switching from English to Cantonese was distracting as well. But the excuse to have Jaymee Ong speak in her Australian accent... I've long said that Asians with Commonwealth accents are hot. And although the Australian accent was a little off for a Canadian, I didn't care. Basically, the non-gay stereotypical of the three undercover cops were attractive as were their girlfriends, and some of the fight scenes were good. But it was ridiculous and the special effects were pretty bad. I think it's come down to me watching recent Hong Kong action films almost entirely due to the cheese (and cake) factor rather than an expectation of them being watchable.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End & Ratchet & Clank Future: Quest for Booty

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End has Geoffrey Rush back, which is a definite step up over Dead Man's Chest. But it's also racist, with pretty much all the Asian characters complete stereotypes. At least the main pirates have some type of obvious thinking going on in their heads, every single other character is wafer thin. And do I have to mention, again, that the only female characters in the film are a god in human form and Keira Knightley? As if it needed to be more of a sausage fest. Basically, far, far, far too long, stupid, and just an insult. And still not as bad as the second one. Geoffrey Rush is just that good.

In order to get the bad pirateness out of my mouth, I went ahead and purchased Ratchet & Clank Future: Quest for Booty. Unfortunately, it was not really a search for booty (of either the pirate or rapper kind), but a search for things to make searching for Clank easier. But it was about as fun as Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction, which this follows in time. I hate jumping puzzles, and feel that they're there only to piss me off, due to my lack of spatial awareness, but even though I struggled with one stupid part of jumping on some moving platforms and walking along a thin beam, I still got over four hours of enjoyment from the game. And for only $15, not a particularly bad purchase. Because, as a Ratchet & Clank game, it was funny, and you can never have too many drunken robotic pirates.

TMNT

TMNT is an insult to movies. First off, the CGI is cartoony, and insulting to women who are not stick figures. When April O'Neill is going through the jungles near the beginning, her waist looks like it's as big as my wrist. Which, for those of you who know me (I assume that's all of you), my wrists are not particularly thick. Also, it was weird to hear Sarah Michelle Gellar's voice coming out of her. I do sort of wonder if actors like Mako think "I'm about to die and TMNT is the last movie I am ever going to do?" Because that's gotta be depressing. It was short, and more in tune with the original comics (admittedly, I read one issue back in 6th grade, and it was taken from me for reading it in class, so I can't be positive, but I think it was) than the live-action movies or the video games. Actually, TMNT 1 was so frickin' hard that I'm amazed anyone was ever able to finish it. TMNT 2 on the other hand was great, but cartoony like the cartoon. The slightly darker tone matched the bland colors, but it was basically a movie for very small children who like movement on screen. And terrible music. And no Shredder.

One little bit of trivia: all I have to do is make a billion dollars and I too can marry someone like Zhang Ziyi. First step: making that first million.

ST 3: Marauder, POTC: Dead Man's Chest, Larry Flynt: The Right to Be Left Alone, & Thank You, Mr. President: Helen Thomas at the White House

Starship Troopers 3: Marauder was terrible. There was gratuitous nudity. But as per usual, no frontals, so sorry. That some nudity thing made me think it would just be a fleeting thing, but nope. Anyway, the film was horrible. Vagina dentata up the wazoo though, along with ridiculously stupid religious symbolism. Actually the nudity and the fact that the black guy doesn't die are about the only things to recommend it. Well, it depends on whether you actually liked the book. The return (I haven't seen the second, and both Tweaks and Meat have warned me of just how terrible it is) of the Nazi propaganda films made it somewhat enjoyable. Jolene Blalock's horribly puffed up lips detracted from that. Oh, and the main protester being named Gonif was a little bit of Yiddish humor. Gonif's hard to describe, but sort of a good-for-nothing who does things that are sort of illegal, but not really a crook.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is 2.5 hours long. For those of you keeping track, that's at least an hour too long. It just kept going and going and going. And Depp wasn't nearly as fun, and basically everything wasn't nearly as fun. The first one didn't feel like it had to live up to anything, and my expectations were pretty low. I did see it in a packed theater with a very enthusiastic audience, and this one I saw on blu-ray on my HDTV, but alone on a Sunday morning. I sort of regretted it, although now I can complain about the most important thing that the Pirates of the Caribbean films brought to light: a zombie pirate monkey. This was such a great thing in the first movie with lots of zombie pirates and then a reveal of a zombie pirate monkey at the end, and then this just shunts him off to a couple of jokes, and focuses on sea creature pirates. Which fail miserably. I like cute furry creatures, not starfish. So few films really need sequels, and most that get them screw up the expectations created by earlier films that it's just painful to see them even try.

Larry Flynt: The Right to Be Left Alone was a short documentary about Larry Flynt. And while I've never actually read/held a Hustler in my hands (as far as I can remember, it has been pretty hard to find a Hustler in Cincinnati for most of my life), I like Larry Flynt's continual fight for its right to exist. And this was a much more accurate version of the movie than The People Vs. Larry Flynt. About my only complaint (besides brief length) was that intercut with the archival footage and talking heads was a scene from a photoshoot for Hustler. This was unnecessary. I don't care what the photoshoot looks like, except in the context of what is acceptable and not within a variety of censorship laws throughout the country. I mean, is it acceptable to show nipple? Because I have this feeling that it isn't in Malaysia. Silly Muslims, nips are for kids. And yes, I just hurt everyone's brain with that. Yay!

Thank You, Mr. President: Helen Thomas at the White House is a big love letter to the White House press corps. And it's too short. I wanted more of a press corps that cared and asked tough questions like that. Maybe less singing from Helen Thomas though. It's a good use of 40 minutes.

Also, this was the colon update. It's complicated.

Wag of my finger for Netflix, Tip of my hat to the National Geographic Society Museum

Due to Netflix being a bunch of annoying people, I didn't get movies I should have, so I caught up on TV (Generation Kill is not as good as The Wire, but still a very watchable and good show, along with some great lines), watched an old movie I hadn't seen in a while (The 39 Steps, while excellent from a cinematic standpoint, still has a practically neanderthalithic sense of gender roles in that every woman with more than a line or two is either stabbed, beaten, or portrayed to be an idiot in the movie, sometimes all of them, and really, it's not like Hitchcock was always the most progressive when it comes to female characters, with Mrs. Smith enjoying the rape at the end of Mr. & Mrs. Smith (not the one with Brangelina)), and went to a museum. That last one was the National Geographic Society Museum, which I thought was a little small, but was pretty neat. One exhibit was on Zheng He, the most famous Chinese explorer. Basically, he sailed all over the Indian Ocean, being kind of awesome, even while being a Muslim Eunuch. The exhibit had a bunch of maps (one of which was nigh impenetrable, even for someone who knew exactly what it was supposed to be of), models of the ships they think he sailed on, some china from the time, and modern day photos of places he visited. The other main exhibit there was on Shaolin monks, with photographs of them practicing. And most of the monks were 33rd generation or the like. That's pretty amazing. I wanted this photo, but look at that price: $600! I do not have that kind of money to spend on a photo. 50 DVDs, on the other hand... The exhbits are only there for a few more weeks, so you don't have much time.

The Secret Life of Words, They Live, The Burmese Harp, Pineapple Express, & Once

The Secret Life of Words stars Sarah Polley and Tim Robbins as people scarred by life. Polley is a former Yugoslav who is partially deaf and works in a factory in Northern Ireland. When she finds out about an oil rig that needs a nurse, she volunteers and starts to care for Robbins's scarred and temporarily blinded worker. And they tell each other secrets and learn how to live again. It's a kind of cheesy movie, but the acting makes up for it. Weirdly, I saw this the same weekend Elegy came out, which was also directed by Isabel Coixet.

They Live is a film that I've been meaning to see for far too long. But it was a Metafilter thread about Hollywood fight scenes a couple weeks ago that made me move it to the top of my queue. And I sort of don't regret it. Sure, John Carpenter has been mostly miss over the last twenty years, but this is twenty years old, after a string of enjoyable films like Big Trouble in Little China, Starman, The Thing, and Halloween, so I was hoping for something cheesy and fun. And this film is cheesy and fun. Rowdy Roddy Piper plays a drifter who ends up in a homeless camp, and finds some sunglasses which show that every rich person is an alien who have taken over society through subliminal messages. So he has to stop them. And toss out lines like, "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubblegum." One of the best one liners in all of movie history. The long fight scene with Frank is ok, nothing nearly as amazing as I was led to believe, but the film itself was ridiculous enough in everything that I had to enjoy it. Also, for the record, about thirty seconds before the credits, there's a completely gratuitous topless scene. So add They Live to the list. Nothing is added, except a reason to make sure you keep paying attention during the denouement.

The Burmese Harp is an anti-war film by the Japanese. I think I need to watch a Mishima film just to see what a pro-war film from the Japanese would be like, since almost everyone of any talent in Japan basically makes anti-war films. This is about a platoon of Japanese soldiers retreating in Burma during the last days of WWII, and one of the soldiers has made the titular harp, and plays it when scouting ahead. After the war ends, they surrender to the British, but the harpist is sent to try to convince a group of soldiers who are still holding out to surrender. As anyone would expect, he fails and becomes a monk. It's a beautiful film, but it's depressing. Of course, now I have to see Fire on the Plain, which has been sitting in my Janus box for a couple of years now. And I'd like to point out that I saw the original, not the remake from the 80s.

Pineapple Express is a weed action movie. Emphasis on both descriptives. It's obviously a movie, and it's obviously about pot, but it seems like some weren't expecting the action. I wasn't expecting some of the gore. But it was enjoyable, and funny, even though I wasn't partaking of weed. It actually reminded me of a far more competent Dude, Where's My Car?, and now moves into first place on the weakly competed for "Best Pot Movie Ever Seen By Me" category. James Franco is just so dreamy. It's a damn shame that he had to go and do that James Dean movie after Freaks and Geeks, because otherwise he would have kept making comedies, and he's just very good in this. And David Gordon Green makes the film look pretty darn good. Some of the scenes in the forest were just beautiful. Also, since I haven't written up the last two concerts I've been to (since I wasn't particularly familiar with either band beforehand, but Regina Spektor and Statehood are quite good, and well-worth the no monies I paid to see them), a return of my favorite bit of concert going: douchebag of the movie going experience! No, not me for mixing popcorn and blue raspberry icee and feeling sick for the rest of the day. It was the two girls who walked up to the help desk at the Georgetown theater and asked "Is that new Ben Stiller film out yet?" And when they were told no, both sighed and walked straight back out the front doors. One: are there people that excited about the Ben Stiller film after seeing advertisements about it that they neglected to notice that the advertisements all say that it opens next week? Two: are these same people really able to go all the way to the theater and ask someone who works there before they realize that the movie isn't opening? Are these people Unaware of All Internet Traditions (like, say, google or yahoo or fandango)? I didn't realize there were people in this city that did stuff like wander in to a movie theater thinking that a movie was coming out one weekend rather than the next. Movies with enormous advertising budgets.

Once made me tear up. Falling Slowly deserved the Oscar. And I had to rewatch the best thing about this past Oscar ceremony. For the transcript, go here, but since the media companies don't understand the web, they don't actually have the video on youtube, but that first link has it. Basically, besides the touching speech, Jon Stewart is awesome. Anyway, besides Falling Slowly, there are a number of other great songs, and the acting is quite good, especially from two people who've never really acted before. Although Glen Hansard was also in the Commitments, a great movie about a blue-eyed soul group in Dublin, which I saw in the year without a blog. I actually think that the 85 minute run time was quite perfect for the film, even if I wish there had been more time to spend in their lives. But that ambiguity that exists, about a lot of the history of the characters, along with all that was said in Czech, works here, and I was touched. Sure, the budget is clearly tiny, there are a few times that the crowd looks at the camera, and you frequently see crew members and microphones on screen or in reflections, but the scenes of them making music together and separately are what makes the film magical. See this film.

Radio On, The One-Armed Swordsman, The Americanization of Emily, Rambo, & Yo-Yo Girl Cop

Radio On has a great soundtrack: it kicks off with Heroes (the mixed English/German version) and continues on with a jukebox playing Whole Wide World, which was also used well in Stranger than Fiction, which I didn't mention before, but had a great soundtrack. And the rest of it wasn't as well-loved by me, but there was still Kraftwerk and Devo. The plot itself was secondary, a road trip by a disaffected youth in England trying to find out information about his brother's apparent suicide. So basically, just listen to Heroes and then Whole Wide World while watching black and white scenery, and you'll get about the same out of it.

The One-Armed Swordsman was apparently one of the first big kung fu films of the Shaw Brother Age. It was also ridiculously obsessed with stabbing people in the stomach. Except for the arm cutting which gives the film the title, pretty much everyone who died was stabbed in the stomach. The fight scenes were pretty silly, as the good guys kept doing the same stupid things and then dying, and they were much slower than they should have been. When you have a guy with one arm, he may not be able to attack that quickly, but I'd be damned stupid not to try to take advantage of that fact when attacking him. It was quite an impressive set, though, with the early scenes in the snow being pretty. And one last thing: if some woman ever want to show that they care, do it by telling me, or kissing me, or something like that, not cutting my arm off. That is not cool.

The Americanization of Emily is a cynical as all hell film written by Paddy Chayefsky, and proves that he wasn't a one hit wonder like I postulated based on the Hospital. I don't blame him for Altered States, I blame Ken Russell. But anyway, this one was James Garner as a dog-robber in World War II, working for an Admiral who wants to play up the role of the Navy in D-Day, so he wants Garner to make a movie about the Navy's important role clearing the mines. And somehow that leads to Garner being the first man on Omaha. He falls in love with Julie Andrew's war widow along the way, who prizes him for his cowardice due to the fact that it would be unlikely he'd die like her former husband. And James Coburn plays Garner's friend who wants to fight, but has bad eyesight and was given a desk job. And this is all a ridiculous satire of bravery and the military, along with great performances from all involved. I recommend this film to all who like good films.

Rambo is a film I recommend to all who like terrible films. My comments on the series can be summed up as "Although the first one is actually not a bad movie, the next two (in II he single-handedly refights and wins Vietnam, and III where he single-handedly defeats the Soviet Army in Afganistan and paves the way for the rise of the Taliban and 9/11) are terrible." This one is also terrible. I'd also like to point out that there were 262 deaths in the film (in just 91ish minutes), and only two of them are white people, missionaries who basically have no personalities or names before their death. The Arab or Hispanic mercenary lives, I think, but the asian one dies, because no Asian must come out alive. Seriously, 260 deaths are Asian? There was a decapitation as well a throat being ripped out. Also, surprisingly anti-religion, as the missionaries had to overcome their reluctance to kill in order to save themselves. One final note: "sometimes a guy getting turned into hamburger by a jeep-mounted machine gun is just a guy getting turned into hamburger by a jeep-mounted machine gun".

Yo-Yo Girl Cop is no The Girls Rebel Force of Competitive Swimmers. It's quite terrible, with precious little Yo-Yo fighting, although there are girls and cops. It's ridiculously bad. Also, it's an adaptation of a series of mangas, and the return of a tv and movie series of the mid-80s. At least they brought back the character from the original series for the movie. The titular cop somehow gets a bulletproof uniform at the end, but is still extremely stupid, like running towards explosions and ignoring the guy with the big sword who keeps cutting her. It was directed by the son of the guy who directed Battle Royale and The Yakuza Papers. Based on this movie, directing talent is not genetic.

The Middleman

The Middleman on ABC Family: yes, in some ways, you're giving money to Pat Robertson. I think, all I know is that he's somehow still on ABC Family. How they can show the 700 Club and The Middleman back to back is painful to my brain. But man oh man, The Middleman may be the best comic book adaptation ever. For those not in the know, Javier Grillo-Marxuach (a former writer for Lost) wrote the pilot episode for the series some years back, but no one wanted to pick it up, so he turned it into a comic in 2005. And published three trade paperbacks over the next few years until ABC Family (in their infinite wisdom) actually picked this up for series. Originally planned to be 13 episodes, the ratings have been bad, and so the order was cut down to 12. I don't want this to go the way of all the other awesome shows I love on TV (unlike Pushing Daisies and Lost) and get canceled. Anyway, the plot is that a temp, named Wendy Watson (nicknamed Dub-Dub, which always makes me think of Jubjub), ends up hired by mysterious superhero The Middleman to be his replacement and they end up having to fight crime with the help of an alien android and lots of crazy technology with ridiculous names (like the BTRS Scanner, which stands for Beyond the Realm of Science). And more puns and references to pop culture than I could have thought possible. Every episode seems to have a lot of references to one particular subject matter, like the trout zombie episode having many references to the band, The Zombies. Episode titles include "The Sino-Mexican Revelation" (a group of Lucha Libre wrestlers kidnap the Middleman's sensei (played by the Chairman, Mark Dacascos, shown here with the Middleman), "The Flying Fish Zombification" (about a guy turning people into trout zombies...), and "The Boyband Superfan Interrogation" (about an alien who is trying to stop a boy band from destroying the planet through the use of wormholes). Honestly, this is just about the smartest show I have seen in years. But beyond the absurd plots (Supersmart Gorillas Obsessed With Gangster Movies! Recovering Succubi! A Cursed Tuba From The Titanic!), the best thing is the characters. Wendy (adorably played by the adorable Natalie Morales) lives in an illegal sublet with another young photogenic artist, played by Brit Morgan, and is friends with Noser, who generally speaks all in song lyrics and plays "Stump the Band" in a highly entertaining fashion. These are real people in a bizarre but enjoyable world and their interactions are what make the TV show worth watching.

I've been watching it with Tweaks and Meat. And for those of you who want advanced studies in Middlemania, go here to see a bunch of behind the scenes videos and promos giving you a bit of the idea of the ridiculous awesomenosity of the show. This week's episode is about ghosts at a sorority, and constantly references Ghostbusters and Wendy talks about how she watches terrible zombie films to remind her of how awesome the good ones are. It was just great. And there will be upcoming episodes with Kevin "TV's Hercules" Sorbo, vampire puppets (can't possibly be as good as Smile Time, but I'm happy that there will be more vampire puppets on TV), and an evil parallel universe (with goatees!). I defy you to watch this show and not enjoy it. Please watch it. Please.

The Dark Knight, Rush Hour 3, & The Simpsons Movie

The Dark Knight is something I really don't need to say much about. Like with the original Spiderman, I was there the first weekend, contributing to the largest weekend box office ever. I have some serious problems with the film: the Bat-Sonar fight was confusion to an extreme, the film was far too long, Christian Bale was somewhat disappointing, and the turning of Two-Face made little to no sense, let alone him being wasted in what was clearly Joker's film. And this was Joker's film. As good as Gary Oldman is (and this cast was friggen amazing, with Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, and Aaron Eckhardt all being quite good), Ledger owned the film. The Joker is one of the classic comic book villains. And I also want to say, again, that Edison Chen is an ass. His role had to have been slightly bigger before that happened. The film is clearly cursed, with Ledger's death, Bale's arrest, and Chen's sex scandal. Even with all this, I liked the film, it's slightly better than Batman Begins, but it's not the best film ever, IMDB. What the hell, nerds?

Rush Hour 3 should prove, once and for all, how masochistic I am when it comes to movies. I knew it was going to suck when the words "Directed by Brett Ratner" were first announced. He's a terrible, terrible person. And Chris Tucker should, umm... stop making movies? Please. That all being said, the stunts were crappy, it was depressing to see the constant stereotyping (Youki Kudoh as "The Dragon Lady"? You couldn't even be bothered to give her a name?), and Jackie Chan is too old to be doing this. There are others in the cast I like, like Max von Sydow, Yvan Attal (quite possibly one of the luckiest men on the planet), Philip Baker Hall, Roman Polanski (well, I don't like him, but I think he's a great director), but this movie was just even worse than the second one. Partly because that one had Zhang Ziyi. But Ratner is just making crappy movies as an excuse to sleep with attractive women and do enormous amounts of blow. I hate him. Only partly because I want to be him. Not the blow part.

The Simpsons Movie just depressed the hell out of me. It's basically like three episodes of the series strung together. But not the good series (I recently watched a couple of early episodes on TV, and loved them again, but I stopped watching the show back in 2002), the recent stuff, of which I rarely crack a smile when watching and never laugh. I only catch it when others are watching and I happen to be there. But the movie was just crapping all over my memories even more. This is the reason that shows need to be cancelled. I can count the number of shows that didn't have enormous drop offs in quality: those are the ones that got cancelled. No scripted show has ever deserved twenty seasons. There's such a thing as diminishing returns, when you run out of ways to make it fresh. They ran out years ago.

The King Boxer, My Young Auntie, & Hana & Alice

The King Boxer had me convinced in about five minutes that I was being had. And I was. See, I thought this was King Boxer, aka Five Fingers of Death, the classic Hong Kong martials arts film. Instead, I got a crappy VCD version of The King Boxer, a mediocre at best martial arts film made a year earlier and about the only thing to recommend it is the music, which Sbug was enjoying even as I was saying that this was an elaborate joke on me. And that it's a weird metaphor for World War II, with the Japanese guy going around being evil and the Chinese and Thais needing to band together to kill the Japanese dude who has help from Chinese collaborators. I'd go into more detail, but I was pissed. Damnit.

My Young Auntie, on the other hand, made up for that entirely. Quite, totally, awesome in every sense of the word. There were six main fight scenes, and each were outstanding in their own way. The first, starting with Kara Hui (as the titular auntie) kicking ass beginning while sitting on a pedicab, while the second was funnier with the Auntie fighting her grand nephew. The third, however, was where the film kicked into overdrive. The auntie was from the boonies, and goes into the city to shop. And ends up in a gorgeous white cheongsam and high heels, neither of which she is used to. And proceeds to kick the ass of some mean men. While having problems with the heels, and the dress having problems staying down. It's just a funny and well-done fight. To get back at the auntie, the grand nephew gets her to dress up in a 18th century dress and a blond wig to go to a masquerade where they end up having to sword fight some ponces with everyone in ridiculous costumes, most of which isn't that much better than well-executed slapstick, but the Kara Hui bits with her fighting with a Chinese sword against a guy in a mask with an épée were excellent. The next fight is the last one that Kara Hui participates in, which pissed me off, since she is gorgeous and graceful (with her studies as a dancer), but she and her grand nephew try to break into a house, and end up having to fight a guy who is basically impervious to weapons. Very, very well done. The last one is a little disappointing, but that's mainly because the previous one was so great. Sure, there was a lot of slapstick, most of it wasn't very funny, but the fight scenes... wow.

Hana & Alice is a film directed by Shunji Iwai, who also did All about Lily Chou-Chou, another film that is a little long and episodic. This one, however stars Japanese actress Anne Suzuki, who first came to prominence in the US in Snow Falling on Cedars, and then in Initial D, but the only Japanese film I've actually seen with her in it (before this one), is Steamboy, a good looking but hollow anime, but I think I saw that in the dubbed version, so not even her voice. This one is about two Japanese schoolgirls (and isn't pornographic) who fall for the hot guy who bumps his head and loses his memory, thereby allowing one of the girls to convince him they are dating. But of course this just causes a lot of strain between the two girls.

Brideshead Revisited, Color Me Kubrick, & The Queen

Brideshead Revisited is a British TV miniseries (again Granada, not BBC, like The Jewel in the Crown) that my parents have been telling me to watch for a long time. They recently rewatched it as well, alternating that with discs of the first season of The Wire. Sometimes my parents are actually sort of cool. It's number ten on the list that had The Jewel in the Crown at 22. I've actually seen quite a number of these, or at least the ones that are not just news-y things. This one has Jeremy Irons (who has never not looked old (he was only in his early 30s in this, and he was playing a college student), who is quite excellent. It also had Laurence Olivier, Claire Bloom, John Gielgud, and Diana Quick, so the acting was uniformly strong. I did not mean to watch this right before a theatrical film came out, and only discovered the existence of that film when I first IMDB'd this one. The book is all about Catholic repression and British upperclass repression. It's all a big bunch of repression.

Color Me Kubrick is John Malkovich playing a gay con man, Alan Conway, who convinces people he's Stanley Kubrick. I sort of wish that Kubrick had actually been able to make some of the movies described in the film. I do recall reading about this guy back in the 90s, especially after the Frank Rich scene, which just jogged that in my mind. Malkovich is, as normal, quite good, and the director, Brian W. Cook actually worked with Kubrick on Eyes Wide Shut, The Shining, and Barry Lyndon. A brief bit of fun for those interested in a weird-ass story.

The Queen was about the Royal Family and Tony Blair's week after the death of Princess Diana. I was never a big fan of the Royal Family, or Princess Diana for that matter, and Tony Blair's been permanently lowered in my estimation by his love affair with W, but the movie still worked very well. Even as an anti-monarchist, I felt myself siding with Blair against Campbell and getting sort of teary when the Queen came to her senses. Stephen Frears is an immensely talented director, and he does quite a good job, although the stag bits were a little heavy-handed. But the use of archive footage, blended seamlessly with the footage made to look archive was quite excellent. I do want to say that naming your female child Laurence (as in Laurence Burg, the Princess Diana stand-in in the film) is just going to make me think that there was a weird message being sent, but nope, just a woman with a man's name. Silly French. Also, weirdly, there was a film called The Deal made in 2003, that stars Michael Sheen as Blair and was written by Peter Morgan and directed by Stephen Frears. I wonder if all that was a coincidence...

Harry Potter

Being in the United States and 18, I hadn't heard of Harry Potter when the first book was released (September 1998, the beginning of my freshman year), and wouldn't have heard of it until the first movie was close to coming out, had I not participated in Toys for Tots my freshman year in college. I had a choice of a book and a toy to buy from a prescribed list, and when I went to the bookstore, the clerk recommended the first book. So I took the advice, and didn't think of Harry Potter until the first movie came out, and people started to compare it to The Fellowship of the Ring. Being a huge nerd (but not one remotely familiar with the book, but with Chris Columbus's history of filmmaking), I came out very clearly on the Tolkien side. After seeing the film in college, I was even more sure. From the lost blog on March 25, 2002: "I went to see "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" last night. I know that this is going, at least, to annoy some of the readers of this, but that movie was 2.5 hours of the biggest crappy-ness that Hollywood could throw at me. I am positive that it's a combination of Chris Columbus's no-talent directing and J.K. Rowling's derivative book. And what's with the Deus Ex Machina ending? It apparently wasn't in the book, but they decided to include so much of the book, and then change the ending to something that pissed me off more than the entire crappy CGI of the Quidditch match? The movie was complete tripe. At least I didn't completely piss Brady off by being too vocal in my scorn in front of her brother. I think that the book is probably a little better than the movie, but not much, as it's so derivative of the Star Wars trilogy and LOTR that I hated it. I mean, I really like the cast (as it's English), but dear god, that was 2.5 hours long. I remember sitting there looking at my watch and saying, "Dear god, there's 45 more minutes of this crap?"" So you can see, umm, I really didn't like it. Even with that horrible reaction to the first film and quite a few more screeds against Harry Potter when the second movie and the fifth book came out, when I saw Mean Girls in May of 2004, I wrote this: "I was actually hoping that the new Cinderella story was the new Harry Potter trailer. I'm tempted to see it, because Cuarón is a very talented director. Oh well." Cleary, my mind had changed.

In 2005, I finally saw Chamber of Secrets, as I am a huge fan of Alfonso Cuarón, and will see anything he's done (A Little Princess and Great Expectations are gorgeous films, even if not as good as Y Tu Mama Tambien), so his directing the third one made me need to have some background. And yes, I enjoyed Prisoner of Azkaban. So clearly, after watching the second and third ones (and accurately predicting the release of the 7th book in 2007), I was planning on reading the books. I watched Goblet of Fire in the theater with my family later in 2005, again hoping for faster writing of the last book. I finally saw the fifth one (in HD on my fancy TV, which is so awesome, by the way) in the midst of reading the others, and man, if my nerdiness didn't make me get a little annoyed at all the changes made, even though I had only read the books once and that was in the two weeks right before watching the film. And still, the thing that annoyed me most was making Cho Chang's role smaller, because I want more attractive Asians with accents, please. Anyway, seeing the movie was a little ahead of where I was in my story.

So back in late June, I was unceremoniously dumped by email late on a Friday when I was at work. I went home, and instead of sulking like I normally do when this occurs (some of my sulks are better than others), I started to read Harry Potter. I made it through the first one in a day, the second one in a couple more, the third by the end of the first week, the fourth over that second weekend, the fifth over the next week (it's long and I can't read all day when I'm at work), and the sixth one made it a little over a day (I had to watch the fifth movie first). And somewhere after I started to read I noticed that Tweaks (it's a long post but you got mentioned), had two copies of the fifth book but no copy of the seventh. And those two Order of the Phoenixes were the English version (so no pictures at the chapter headings, boo! but I liked reading the English version anyway). So I really tried to hold off on the sixth one, but I was into it and epic fail. And everyone else in DC I knew who read it didn't have their copies of the books, and so I had to wait for four days to get to start reading the seventh book. Which is nothing compared to the two years for everyone who read it when the books came out, but I was getting a little antsy anyway. And I finished the seventh by staying up until almost 3 am after Tweaks's birthday party and 2 am the next night (couldn't stop reading with so little left). So I was a little less social than I would have been over the last few weeks, and now you know why I haven't actually posted too many movie reviews lately.

Now to the actual books: I liked them. Certainly not the deepest or best written books I've ever read, but they're extremely enjoyable, and probably quite good for an early teen. Not being an early teen, the bits of self-censoring and willful ignorance (you're putting a whole bunch of boys and girls, ages 11-17, in rooms without any kind of watching besides some kind of charm that makes a noise when a guy tries to enter the girls dorm, and there's no sex? Really?) made me question how realistic it really is, but then again, it's a story for youngsters, and as much as I know that sex happens among those under 18, encouraging it probably isn't the best social policy. Now that I've gone off on that tangent... well, I knew that the books would end with some bad things happening, but with an ultimate happy ending, because man, you can't give a story with a down ending to kids. So my major problems with the books were that I was too old for them, which makes sense. A little more depth for some of the characters, and possibly less sullen Potter in the last few books, and I would have been even happier. If you haven't read them, I recommend them, but the movies are basically the same: suffer through the sort of basic first two, and then they get better. I was sort of surprised how much of the books were set up in the first one, although some of that was due to the almost constant repetition of the important plot points from the previous books when necessary near the beginning of the book. So again, my problems with the books were more about the fact it wasn't written for someone my age.

So I want to thank Tweaks (for the first six books), Vermonstrous (for the last), and all my other friends who suggested I read them (going all the way back to this Alicia in college telling me that they weren't crappy kids books and told me to give them a chance). I can, without a doubt, say that Harry Potter are good books, and worth reading.

The Beast with a Billion Backs, The Last King of Scotland, Fay Grim, Notes on a Scandal, & The Family Stone

The Beast with a Billion Backs is the second Futurama movie, and as such, there are countless flamewars across the internet about whether it's better than Bender's Big Score, but it's still going very far into the "we're not on network tv so we can do crazy sex jokes constantly" thing that makes them very enjoyable. I think a little bit of the novelty of new Futurama wore off a little, and I probably need to rewatch this (which will be very easy once it arrives in my grubby little hands), but I sort of preferred Bender's Big Score to this. Maybe I just didn't care for the Kif-Amy plot.

The Last King of Scotland's compressed timeline bothered me. You really are never sure what year it is, and the expulsion of the Asians was well before the hijacking, but that's just nitpicking. James McAvoy was quite good, as was Forest Whitaker. I have to say that McAvoy's character was a moron (not just for his blind eye towards Idi Amin, but his utter inability to fall for an available woman, or even one that isn't just a stupid idea, as the first woman on the bus he has sex with, and then the two married women). But I liked it, even with the liberties it took with the facts.

Fay Grim is Hal Hartley's follow-up to Henry Fool, a film I watched years ago, in a brief bit of Hal Hartley-itis, and it had been a long time since I had seen a true Hal Hartley film (No Such Thing wasn't nearly as much of a Hartley film as Henry Fool or Trust or Amateur), so it took me a while to get into the rhythm of his language, which is far more unnatural than David Mamet. It's also far more plot driven than I was expecting, which a very international setting, Jeff Goldblum, and quite a bit about the dangers of terrorism. Definitely not a movie for all tastes, and I'm not sure whether rewatching Henry Fool would have increased or decreased my interest in the film. Hartley is fascinating, and I like that he's working, but I'm not as sure that I like him.

Notes on a Scandal is quite good, although the evil twist in the film just pissed me off. SPOILER! I hate that gay people in films are either the comic relief or are some evil twisted person bent on destroying some straight person. Why must you do that? END SPOILER. That being said, Cate Blanchett and Judi Dench were quite good, and I will always love me some Bill Nighy.

The Family Stone is another film that I watched due to a roommate. And man, I hated it. Although I do think that there's absolutely no choice between Sarah Jessica Parker and Claire Danes. And I won't object to Rachel McAdams ever, although Luke Wilson can be very up and down. And Craig T. Nelson and Diane Keaton are also in a very solid cast that is in a very unsolid film. I also want to point out that it was utterly unnecessary to see Diane Keaton's scarred chest from her double mastectomy. That was just bushleague. I do like the pro-gay message of the film though. Gay deaf people are people too!

The End of Summer, The Bow, Les Enfants Terribles, & The Sorrow and the Pity

The End of Summer is another Ozu film, and basically the same plot as the others. Family struggles with a variety of issues, this one being about a father who has a mistress, possibly an unknown daughter (who dates white boys! Shock! Horror!), and the three daughters who have to figure out what to do. It's quite as good as the other films in the late Ozu collection.

The Bow is a Kim Ki-Duk film, and it's just as f'ed up as most of the others. An old guy has found a seven year old girl, and instead of trying to find her parents, he raises her on a fishing boat until he marries her on her 17th birthday. And then she falls for a boy who goes on one of the fishing jaunts. Oh, did I mention that there's almost no dialogue, he drives men away from the girl by shooting at them with a bow and arrow, and that he tells fortunes by shooting at a buddha on the side of the boat with the bow as the girl swings back and forth in front of it? Kim Ki-Duk, you're crazy.

Les Enfants Terribles is an early Jean-Pierre Melville film, although it isn't nearly as good as his later ones. And it's clear whose fault that is: Jean Cocteau, who sabotages the adaptation of his novel by putting a completely inexpressive male lead in the film. Otherwise, it's an interesting story about two siblings who drift through life getting everything they want and being evil, evil people. And, of course, how they're not emotionally healthy due to that.

The Sorrow and the Pity is a 260 minute long French documentary about a town, Clermont-Ferrand, during World War II, and the collaborators who lived there. Did I mention it was 260 minutes long, in French, and a documentary including people justifying their collaborations with the Nazis? Why the hell did I think it was a good idea for me to watch it? Stupid Annie Hall.