The Girls Rebel Force of Competitive Swimmers

The Girls Rebel Force of Competitive Swimmers starts with a warning: "Attention Content includes violence". They neglected to mention gratuitous panty shots (and the close-ups on said panties and nipples), lesbianism, shower scenes, terrible "diving" into the pool, a bunch of JAV idols, two (that's right two) scenes of men going to the bathroom, and weird birthmarks on the breasts and moles on the necks. Basically, a virus turns people into zombies and the swim team is immune due to the pool water. So the new girl was trained as an assassin and joins with the rest of the swim team to fight the zombies.

All times are approximate. First nude scene: 7 minutes in. First murder: 9 minutes in. I'm not sure which looked more fake. First completely gratuitous panty shot: 11 minutes in. First decapitation: 18 minutes in. First time the basic plot is described: 26 minutes in. First battle between teacher-zombie wielding metal rulers and a protractor and who is a fire breather vs. schoolgirl with aluminum bat and a brick: 27 minutes in. First training montage in a bikini and a ballgag: 31 minutes in. First lesbian sex scene that starts as a mouth-to-mouth feeding: 34 minutes in. First screeching orgasm: 40 minutes in. First chainsaw sighting: 42 minutes in. First wearing of intestines as a scarf: 44 minutes in. First girl who is erotically stimulated by a flute: 45 minutes in. First heterosexual sex scene: 47 minutes in. First hero shot of the swim team with improvised weapons and black speedos: 51 minutes in. Murder of most of the swim team: 53 minutes in. First Mission: Impossible style taking off of a face mask: 54 minutes in. First horribly fake explosion: 56 minutes in. First fight scene between the mad doctor who injects himself with the virii and the new girl with a lot of swimming equipment with sharp edges: 58 minutes in. First and second ball-kicking: 59 minutes in. First major surprise twist: 63 minutes in. Second major surprise twist: 67 minutes in. First laser shot out of a vagina-mounted weapon to explode the bad guy: 72 minutes in. Last major surprise twist: 75 minutes in. Movie over: 78 minutes in. Me wishing there had been a monkey or a pirate or a robot in it: 1 minute after the credits.

So why did I watch this cinematic travesty? Basically, I read this review yesterday, this review of that review today, and had to see it. For those of you who can read German, or just like looking at pictures of some of the scenes described above, go here. Most of the high points are included.