Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins.

So this past weekend, I was reading a little Lolita (I've been doing so for quite longer than I feel entirely comfortable discussing, but it's been a while, due to the wordplay and endnotes, and that I rarely read unless I'm on the metro), but I got Maria stuck in my head (the Sound of Music one, not the West Side Story or Blondie or Green Day ones), and I just couldn't get it out, which led to me singing Maria in my head while reading Lolita. In case you happen to be familiar with the Sound of Music, sing along to the parts that I decided were somewhat appropriate to my version of Lolita. Which is even funnier if you imagine nuns singing it. The first couple verses didn't work well for my version, but I'm actually fairly happy with the parts that are there. And I'm not a pedophile. Repeat, I am not a pedophile.

I'd like to say a word on her behalf:
Lolita makes me laugh.

How do you rate a novel like Lolita?
How do you read the book and pin her down?
How do you write a description of Lolita?
A flibbertigibbet! A will-o'-the-wisp! A clown!

Many a thing I know I'd like to tell you.
Many a thing you ought to understand.
But how do I make you stay,
And listen to me all day,
How don't you keep the book in your hand?

Oh, how do you rate a novel like Lolita?
How do you hold the nymphet in your hand?

When I read her, I'm confused,
Read the endnotes then amused,
And I then know exactly where I am.
Unpredictable as weather,
She's as flighty as a feather!
She's a darling! She's a demon! She's a lamb!

She'd out-pester any pest.
Drive a hornet from its nest.
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl.
She is gentle! She is wild!
She's a riddle! She's a child!
She's a headache! She's an angel!
She's a girl!

How do you rate a novel like Lolita?
How do you read the book and pin her down?
How do you write a description of Lolita?
A flibbertigibbet! A will-o'-the-wisp! A clown!

Many a thing I know I'd like to tell you.
Many a thing you ought to understand.
But how do I make you stay,
And listen to me all day,
How don't you keep the book in your hand?

Oh, how do you rate a novel like Lolita?
How do you hold the nymphet in your hand?

If you weren't lucky enough to know me in college, you wouldn't know just how much I love writing bad poetry, and coming up with slightly altered lyrics to bad songs for my own edification goes hand in hand with that. But now you're the one with that song in your head, not me!