If...., Terrifying Girls' High School: Lynch Law Classroom, Criminal Woman: Killing Melody, & The Yakuza

If.... is Malcolm McDowell's first film, as an angry student who joins a couple others who revolt against their oppressive teachers, parents, and the prefects. Or whatever they're called. A lot of the early scenes reminded me of Harry Potter. Mainly because they're both very British versions of a boarding school. Of course, this one includes full-frontal female nudity (apparently the full-frontal male nudity was cut to allow for the extended female nudity), so it doesn't quite fit with Harry Potter's intended audience. I mean, massacres, beatings, nudity, drinking, and the like are only hinted at in most of Harry Potter.

Terrifying Girls' High School: Lynch Law Classroom is an interesting counterpoint to If.... as it's also about a group of kids rebelling against an oppressive school regime, although this is only about the rebelling, there's little about any deeper meanings. As a Pinky Violence film, there is a crazy amount of S&M and nudity. In fact, it's a little much. I think I can't watch too many more S&M films. I find them extremely discomforting. And the obvious relish with which the scenes are filmed doesn't help. And is there something about the Japanese and peeing? There's another scene of a woman wetting herself (at least it's not a woman peeing on the head of another one). Seriously, it's not the first, and I doubt it'll be the last. It's never really funny.

Criminal Woman: Killing Melody is another Pinky Violence film, this one about a group of Yakuza who kill the father of a woman. She, of course, needs to revenge herself on the yakuza. Here's a conversation with the newly christened Sally Albright, a reference to a certain character from one of my favorite romantic comedies of all time.
me: I'm watching a crazy japanese film
Sally Albright: another Japanese school girl sexploitation murder mayhem movie?
me: not school girl this time, they've all spent time in prison
me: they are however righting wrongs that yakuza perpetrated upon one of their fathers
me: with lots of sex and violence
Sally Albright: It's good to know that they're using their deadly sexy powers for good.
Sally Albright: .. sorry for using good twice in one sentence
Sally Albright: that was terrible
me: well, they're women, and that's what you use your bodies for, right?
me: having sex for money to buy guns to start a gang war to kill the people who killed your father?
Sally Albright: It varies a bit based on each individual's situation, but that's the gist of it
me: well, it explains why misogyny is so popular
Sally Albright: Well, if misogyny were so wrong, God would have put a stop to it by now.
me: I thought you were going to say if misogyny is so wrong, I don't want to be right
Sally Albright: I should have.
Sally Albright: I'm just a little off tonight. What with the good-good and missing such a great opportunity
me: this one is actually more trashy than I expected
me: insane amounts of nudity
me: still it's japanese nudity though, so just t&a, even though it's basically naked woman-gunfight-naked woman-knee to the groin-naked woman-killing all movie
me: oh, that was a gun barrel to a breast
me: chainsaw to a mannequin's breasts...
me: well, this is decidedly more lurid than I was expecting
Sally Albright: sounds delightful
Sally Albright: a nice, light Tuesday night flick
me: well, I like to relax
me: cigarette to the breast
me: and now to the other one..
me: this is actually making me feel uncomfortable
Sally Albright: really? that's impressive considering how much of that type of movie you seem to be watching these days
me: she better cut off a dick with that razor
Unfortunately, she didn't cut off a dick with the razor. Just ended up using the men and shooting people, and then fighting another woman at the end and wasting lots of drugs.

The Yakuza is Orientalism for dummies. Or maybe I'm just too familiar with Yakuza and Japanese tropes. It's directed by Sydney Pollack from a script by Paul Schrader and Robert Towne, and it stars Robert Mitchum, so there's a lot of talent involved, but I just thought it was a mediocre Yakuza film. I guess I'm just too familiar with how it was going to end. There were some issues, like why the hell would the police not come when Mitchum stabbed a dude in a public bath? No one cares about that? I'm probably grading it too harshly, but while I liked bits and pieces of it, it's just bits and pieces.