The Singing Forest, My Straight Boyfriend, Popcorn & Coke, Uninhibited, & Misguided Piss

The Singing Forest is the most immature film I have ever seen. And possibly one of the worst. I also watched it before the previous posts, but I somehow didn't write it up then. The Singing Forest, which isn't really obviously referenced anywhere in the film (I think it may have been the title of the article that the lead wrote after a visit to a psychic), was the screams of victims who were impaled on spikes. I would have known this had I been willing to watch Paragraph 175, but it sits languishing on my DVR, for over two years now. There's just something about a documentary about gay people being persecuted during the Holocaust that makes me feel like I should watch it, but not actually create any desire to do so. I could go through the many, many ways that this film was terrible, but suffice it to say that when the surf drowns out dialogue, that was the best scene in the film. Better than when the barking dog drowned out dialogue, or when we get to see the fiancee's penis because the father stares at him in the shower. All would be highlights of any other film, but only Jorge Ameer is man enough to put them all in one film. That's not mentioning the wedding, the daughter (conceived during a rape where the obviously gay father meets the now-dead mother) being named Destiny, the extremely awkward and terrible dialogue, acting, directing, editing, sound design, cinematography, and so on. I bet even the best boy grips were amateurish. Really, the movie is so bad it must be seen. And then ridiculed for days to anyone who hasn't seen it. Which is what I did, and why I have no idea how I could have forgotten to write about it.

Even better than the horrible main feature though, were the bonus features. It included four short films, one of which isn't on IMDB. My Straight Boyfriend starts with a guy walking into his room, getting naked, and masturbating. Which is totally normal. But then he gets under the covers and continues to masturbate, which, to me, just means messy sheets and a stain. So he's going at it for a while, until you start to realize there's someone in the bed, possibly giving him oral pleasure. At first it's clearly a woman, and then it turns into a sex doll's head (what?), and then the arms show up and it's clearly a dude. This is not subtle. This is stupid. Even worse was Popcorn & Coke, which was about a guy getting "seduced" by an awkward guy and a woman with bad taste in clothes that showed her backfat (which isn't a major issue, but just kind of a bad costuming decision), while the older woman sitting behind him looked on jealously. The star of it, Matthew Leitch, was in both The Dark Knight and Band of Brothers. So someone clearly thought well enough of his acting abilities. It's too bad Jorge Ameer has no talent. Apparently this was the introduction to The Glitter Awards, which he started and curates. In fact, just read his bio from the IMDB, which was obviously written by him (and according to his message board, definitely wrote it, and then changed his nickname). Uninhibited is about a guy who walks into his apartment and turns on the tv, which is showing The Singing Forest, in a not-so-subtle bit of product placement. And then hears his roommate having sex (with a woman!), so he crawls under his bed and when she leaves, and then the roommate clearly knows he's under there and tells him to come out. And then gets naked and into the shower where the guy follows and they start making out. Another winner by Jorge Ameer! But the clear winner for best short included on this was Misguided Piss, about a nerd who watches a great pickup in a bathroom. One dude pisses on another one's leg. This shot is repeated many times, on an already wet pant leg, which is just crap. Also there's a point of view shot of the guy's obviously fake penis pissing. Which is also repeated. So the pissee and the pisser leave the bathroom together, and so the nerd tries it with this big guido, named Rico Riconi (the actual actor), who doesn't take to it and punches him out. All through every one of his movies, he uses bad classical music, and one had a particularly bad cover of some terrible song, possibly Mandy. Now I'm completely blanking on this, so I don't remember. But it was terrible. Ameer's just one of the worst filmmakers currently out there.